My Little Boy

He is here (trumpets playing in the background)!! Let me start at the beginning of this labor so you can feel every painful moment I endured : ) So about two weeks ago (around the 15th of December) I went to the doctor and he told me I was at a 4 and I told him I was really uncomfortable and having a hard time working but he said to stick it out pretty much. Well I ended up just doing a lot of work from home that week because it was so unbearable to walk or move or anything. I knew I would be starting maternity leave the following Monday so I was pretty much ready to go out.

So Friday night comes along and the contractions start. But honestly I had never been pregnant before so how was I supposed to know if this was it or not?! They kept me up all night and I counted as this weird pain became closer and stronger and lasted longer. So at about 6:00 am or so I wake Josh up and tell him I think this is really it and it is time to go. He didn't FREAKING believe me! We had about 2 or 3 false alarms already but seriously when I say time to go it is time to go! He made me eat some food and hang out on the couch as he took his time getting ready and putting the base to the car seat in the car. Then I FINALLY convinced him to go.

When we got there the nurse said I was at a 5. She went out and spoke to my doctor and they decided I was staying!! I was so excited when they said this! My first question was, when do I get my epidural : ) They put us in the most awesome labor and delivery room. It was a corner room of the hospital and it was snowing that morning so it was all windows and it was so nice to look out of. Well I got my epidural which I thought wasn't bad to get at all, and it felt amazing when it took affect. And then an hour passed, and then 2, and then 3 and then 4, and then I was finally at a 6!! So they decided to break my water. But no change. Still at a six at the 6th hour. And then 7 hours pass, then 8, then 9. Time to get petocin! Yes this will finally be over! Then 10 hours, then 11 hours, then 12 hours. The doctor comes in and checks me and says "you are still at a 6 I think he is too large (**FINALLY some one agrees sinve I hae been saying it for MONTHS**). I will let you try for 12 more hours if you want but it is time to start thinking about a c-section." We ask him what he would want us to do and he said that he thinks it will be a c-section even if I wait. Josh and I talked it over and I said "I want to meet this baby and there is no way I am dong this for another 12 hours." Josh called his mom and dad and asked them to come to the hospital. We didn't know what to expect. I was prepared mentally to push not to have a major surgery.

It seemed like the moment we told them "ok we will do a c-section" things started to happen really fast. The anesthesiologist came in and pumped me full of A LOT of drugs I was completely out of it. They told us all about what to expect. They got Josh in his scrubs (which were very cute on him). And they wheeled me to the operating room. I was nervous, and I was scared, and I was so excited to meet my little guy. They got me on the table and strapped me down. They told me I would feel lots of pressure. I was very very tired and just out of it so they told me to stay awake, Josh kept yelling my name to keep me up. And then I felt the tugging of them getting the baby out. The doctor yells "this is a HUGE boy you made the right choice by doing a c-section now." And then the little cry. I looked at Josh and we just both lost it (honestly I am crying now just remembering). Oh it was amazing. They showed him to me over the curtain and Josh went around to meet him. Even if it wasn't a normal birth it still felt amazing to hear that cry.

So after 13 hours and a surgery later I got this:



The most handsome little guy there ever was. He was 9 lbs 15 oz BUT his head was 38.5 cm! I think we broke the record at the hospital for largest head, well the nurses all said they had never seen one that big.

He is adorable. He is so fun and so stinking cute. I probably kiss his cheeks at least 100 times a day. He is a great little guy that is starting to get in to a routine. It was the best moment of my life. I would do the 9 months all over again for him. I can't wait to watch him grow and to kiss those cheeks when he is a teenager and telling me to get away. I love him more than I ever thought possible. He is my little guy, my little Landon.

He's coming........

I write this with heartburn and a small burst of energy! Please excuse any of my "too much information" moments. So Monday I woke up and I felt like I was having the nausea from morning sickness all over again. I called work and told them I would be a little bit late. I eventually got ready dragged myself in to work and started my day. Later on in the day I was talking to my mom on the phone and I told her that I wanted Josh to take me to a hotel so I could float in a pool. She said to me "well you can't if you have lost your plug" and I responded with "well I don't know if I have, I have been leaking everyday for the last week and a half any way." Well she freaked, told me it wasn't normal, made me hang up right then and call my OB. I thought it was normal to leak, especially when you are like me and about to birth a toddler. As you can see:



Well I call my OB and the nurse tells me to go in to labor and delivery at the hospital to make sure I am not leaking amniotic fluid. I didn't know what to expect so I packed my bag just in case. Josh and I drove over to the hospital, they had me go into our own room, put a gown on, and then they hooked up the monitors to me to measure the babies heart beat and my contractions. The nurses were so nice. They wanted a urine sample from me which is always exciting when you are more than 8 months pregnant. Then they tested to see if I was leaking amniotic fluid. Well the test said it wasn't amniotic fluid.

Then the most exciting part of the day happened. A nurse came in and told me my urine sample was contaminated and that they needed to give me catheter. I could have passed out! It seriously hurt! And not only did it hurt the first time but it hurt the second she did it!!! I even said to her "since you are doing all this will you take him out??" But of course no.

They ended up sending me home and telling me to go tomorrow morning to my OB's office to get my fluid levels check. So I go the next day and the doc tells me that I have plenty of amniotic fluid but it might be that my bag of water has ruptured and it could break any time. Oh, and as a side note the doctor tells me I should have gone to the office cause the hospital was a waste of money! YOUR NURSES TOLD ME TO GO, GEEZE!

So now the mode I am can only be described as: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! He could come at any time! I need to get ready!!

JUST 10 of the things I have learned

Here are the top ten things I have learned and happenings from my pregnancy:

10. Sleep deprivation starts way before you have a baby
9. Today I was walking across the street to the State Building when some guy whistled at me. I thought "I've still got it" then he must have saw my belly because he said "oops sorry." Sad day
8. Sadly, I snore. Yup. And Josh hates it : (
7. I thought I knew what heartburn felt like until these past 2 months!
6. It's really not sexy when the bottom of your belly sticks out of every shirt you own
5. Shea butter does NOT prevent stretch marks.
4. As previously mentioned in a different post don't EVER watch birthing videos
3. Hobbit feet are really unattractive
2. I wish I owned one of those electronic chairs that takes you up and down the stairs.
1. I already know that every single one of these will be totally worth it in a month. This will be the best Christmas we have ever had - well if he comes before : )

Love and Marriage

Yesterday this story was not funny, but now looking back this was hysterical to me. I love my husband he is the greatest. He is the biggest sweetheart ever and he makes me laugh so much. Well this past week I went to Babies R Us and was checking out the car seat travel systems and I found one on sale! So I figured I would bring Josh there this past Saturday so that we could finally buy the car seat.

Well, I brought him to Babies R Us. It was his first time there and it was as overwhelming as it was to me. I showed him the stroller and car seat and Josh wanted to take it off the shelf and play around it with it. So we are playing with it and he collapses the stroller. Then he tries to put it back up. And no luck. Two store employees come over and they can't do it either. Literally, it took ten minutes to put it back up. So then we take out another one and Josh collapses that one too. And again can't get it back up. But this time no one came to help. He kept playing with it and shaking it and trying to pull it really hard apart. It was so frustrating at the time watching him. I asked to try and he told me to "go look around." Such a guy. Then after like an hour (ok 10 minutes) he finally sees a little latch and yay it works!!

We end up buying the car seat and travel system (we got an awesome deal $70 off)!! So we get it out to Josh's car and we try to get it in the back seat and it wouldn't fit through the door so we tried the truck and no luck. So Josh decides to take the whole thing apart and put pieces in the car and in the trunk. And again we are totally frustrated. I went to put the cart back and I am walking back to the car and he is struggling with the box trying to collapse it to get in to the car. I am giggling as I watch this but he is pretty ticked off at this point. We get it all in and get in the car to leave.

Now maybe this isn't funny to anyone else but watching him struggle with that box and struggle with the stroller has been making me laugh all day. The best part is we didn't argue even after being so frustrated. He is so cute and I love that he came with me to Babies R Us and I love that he wanted to see how the strollers worked and I love that he got every piece of the one we bought in the car. But seriously, I can't stop laughing today picturing everything that happened!

This baby is just going to have to stay in me!

Wow, a month and no new post! Well I am due in 49 days! 49! Where did the time go!? I decided a few months ago that Josh and I were going to take the prenatal classes at the hospital so that we could be prepared for the big day and understand what was going to happen since this is the first! One of our friends (Nikki and Mike) are due about 9 days before us and are delivering at the same hospital so we all decided to take the class together. We went to the first class which was last week and learned about warning signs of prelabor and some other useful things. I thought "this is exactly what we need." Then before we leave the nurse teaching the class says "next week we will watch a video of women giving birth." Of course Josh freaks out and says there is no way he wants to watch that and I was thinking "no big deal. I watched my sister give birth and it wasn't that bad." So all week Josh was saying he didn't want to go because he didn't want to watch it.

Well last night we go to our class. We learn about the different medical equipment used in labor and delivery and about epidurals (yes please) and then she puts the video on.... At the beginning it says "The Miracle of Life" and it was produced by Brigham Young University. So I thought "they won't show too much because they are super conservative." WHATEVER! We had up close and personal views of (as my mother-in-law would say) she she's. But that wasn't the disturbing part to me! I was freaking out! I was getting hot and sick feeling and I was just thinking "I change my mind! I am not ready for this baby." Then of course there has to be one woman on the video who has a natural birth, makes no noises during her contractions, her and her husband just press foreheads together during them and then the freaking baby just falls out of her pretty much. Show off! Josh and Mike covered their eyes a lot but everyone must have thought I was fine because I just kept staring, little did they know I was in complete shock!

Then we leave and Josh says "that doesn't seem too bad." And I said "I wish this was you!!!!" I do! I can't do it! I am freaking out a little! I am already large so I keep imagining this monster head baby that I am going to have to birth! Oh geeze, it's going to happen whether I want it to or not huh? I am so sorry mom, I had no idea what you went through!

Ouch my back!

Oh my gosh it has been too long since I have blogged. Some times something funny happens and I think "I should blog about that" but then I decide laying around doing nothing is much more fun.

Well Josh and I just got back from our trip to visit my family in Connecticut. I decided to write a little at a time because laying around doing nothing is much more appealing right now. But let me start with the what happened before the trip.

For the last few months Josh has said to me "flying with you is going to be so hard because you will be huge and uncomfortable." I assured him day after day that I would be fine. It turned out it wasn't me we had to worry about. It was him!!

The day BEFORE we get on the plane he hurts his back because he forgot to push the pin in on his chair at work so he went flying backward and through his back out. Silly Joshy. This was Friday and we were leaving the next morning. Which means I had nothing packed. So when I got home from work he was in bed and couldn't move. I had to bring him dinner and medicine and stick an icey hot patch on him. Then I had to pack for the two of us. So I had to hold up something and he would say yes or no. Plus I had to pack for me.

The next day Josh's dad brought us to the airport. They brought Josh a cane but when we got to the airport we asked for a wheelchair. BEST IDEA EVER!! This meant we got to preboard before any one else. It was awesome. But we were a pretty pathetic sight, a huge pregnant lady and a 6'5" big guy in a wheelchair. Then when we got to our lay over in Denver they wheeled him to the next gate and once again we got to cut the line and get first dibs on a seat! It was great!

The week was a little hard at first because he was so uncomfortable and he moved so slowly. He had his cane the whole time which helped a lot. But he pushed through it and did pretty well.

After a whole week of drugs and icey hot patches Josh was doing great. Since we brought the cane out we had to bring it back so Josh had to hold the cane again. We came back from Connecticut this past Friday. We flew from Connecticut to Baltimore. There was a tropical storm when we flew out of Connecticut which meant our flight was about 35 minutes delayed. When we got to Baltimore we had about 5 minutes to get to the next gate. Well we pretty much ran and since we were flying Southwest we boarded after group C was even called. We went to get on the plane and the lady scanned Josh's ticket and a thing popped up that said he was in a wheelchair. We explained to her that on the way out he was but he is fine now. She said "well it says you are in a wheelchair so we saved you two seats together at the front of the plane so just tell the flight attendant you are the wheelchair person when you get on." We figured some one in Connecticut must have seen the cane and just put us down for a chair. THIS WAS AWESOME!! Because the whole plane was full. But it was kind of like lying so we had to have Josh play it up a little so no one would get mad at us. When we got on the plane he hobbled a little and winced to sit down and made it look like he was in terrible pain. My husband is such a good actor.

If you ever need a good seat on Southwest just tell them you need a wheelchair! Oh and I was just fine on the plane, flying while 7 months pregnant is no fun but I wasn't the one needing a wheelchair : )

Women's Expo

I always feel like making a new blog post but then I realize my life is pretty boring so I don't have much to blog about. But today my sister, Michelle, and I went to the Women's Expo at UVU and we decided it was even better than Swiss Days! They had so many cute things there. They had lots of girls things of course, but they also had SO many boy things!! I was so excited but then I got all frugal and didn't buy anything except a very cute beanie that has a skull on it. I love it!

My sister and I went to a booth that was all about mothers. To back track a little, she is also pregnant with her third baby, another little girl. Her husband wants to name the baby Buffy, but this definitely won't happen he is just so funny. Any way.......she is due at the end of next month so she is about 2 months ahead of me. When we were at the booth she measured my belly and then hers, and we were the same size!! Oh I am sad just thinking about it again. See, I am huge! No joke, I jut straight out. Josh and I are going to Connecticut to visit my parents in a few weeks and I am afraid the flight attendants will think I am too far along to fly, just because I look it!!

While we were at the booth my sister and I entered a raffle to win a very nice very expensive breast pump. After I got home Michelle called me and told me that she won!! It is awesome! Well then I got so excited that I have literally had my phone next to me all night and I keep checking my email because I entered to win a shopping spree and maybe I can get that! I am pathetic though. Every time the phone rings I get so excited and then I get sad because I know the number calling me. So maybe no one should call me for the rest of the night : )

Note to self: next year do the Women's Expo instead of Swiss Days!!!

Booths, bounce houses, and scones

That is right I am talking about Swiss Days. Well this is how my niece described Swiss Days "Oh ya the place with booths, bounce houses, and scones." I have one way to describe how this day turned out:



My niece is the cutest!! Her face describes how terrible the heat was. I knew that walking for almost 4 hours when it is 90 degrees out would make my feet swell but I had no idea that I would go home with hobbit feet!! It was SOOO hot and my face is so red right now. I was forced to drink 2 bottles of water which forced me to use a port-o-potty which SUCKS when you are pregnant, large, and have a very easy gag reflex. And then there is the fact that every booth was pretty much made for little girls. I was so hot and frustrated I started hating little girls (well except my cute nieces). But seriously, WHAT THE HECK!! Where are the boy things? I finally found a booth that sold little white button up onesies and little neck ties with matching daddy ties. I had to buy one. But still! Boys deserve cute things too! Oh Swiss Days I used to love you but I can't handle your heat, little girl booths, and the crappy little miss swiss girls that couldn't sing. I already get migraines from being pregnant but combined with heat it was a nightmare. So to hear terrible high pitched singing from little girls over loud speakers just topped it all off. At least BYU won today.......

Roll me on outta here!

I am huge. I am. People keep saying "you really aren't that big" but I am big. The worst part is I still have 4 months to go! When we went to our ultrasound I was certain the doctor would say something like "you are a medical miracle, the baby is full grown at only 20 weeks." But no he just said "either you will go early or this will be a big baby". Well I am just convinced that there is a little fatty just sitting in my belly. I think he is going to be huge. He will come out looking like my niece!

Just kidding!! She is a skinny cute little girl, this is just an iphone app. But still!!! Our little boy must be huge. Josh is going to need a wheelbarrow to get my out to the car by the time December comes. And the thing is I am trying to watch what I eat. So it's not like I am eating cheeseburgers everyday (mmmmmm cheeseburger). Maybe if I just wish myself skinnier it will happen. That's the new plan. In the mean time I will just roll around everywhere I go.

Migraines, ugh

The nice part about my pregnancy is that I don't get morning sickness - yay for not puking! But the crappy part is I get TERRIBLE migraines. Yesterday I knew one was coming. I was at work and I felt it. It's like when you are about to throw up and your heart starts to pound, yeah that's me....well minus the throw up and the heart pounding. Any way, it was coming. But I had my last sewing class so I had to go. I have also had this total nervous thing about me where I don't want to hurt the baby so I try not to take medicine. So I drank some water and went to my class. Now remember I can't sew. Well at class we were learning about "aplique" and "piping" and "fagoting and bundling." I was just thinking 'my head hurts' 'this sucks' 'I don't get this' 'why can't this store have AC' 'fagoting and bundling sounds terrible' 'seriously no AC'. I could tell the teacher was frustrated with me because I kept asking questions. Then she asked me to literally take apart my machine for something and I got so frustrated that I packed up and left. I GAVE UP!!! I said goodbye and that I wasn't feeling good and I left. Then I pathetically got in the car and I LOST IT! I started balling! I felt like a failure that I couldn't sew. I called my mommy. She is the ultimate quilter and I told her she needed to teach me. And since I am going to visit her in Connecticut next month she will!

I felt better about sewing but I still had this migraine. So last night I go to bed without taking any headache medication. I thought that sleeping it off would work because it usually does. Ya. That was until my cute husband had a nightmare/couldn't breath moment. He jumped up in the bed at about 2:30 am. He was pretty much growling, that's the only way to explain it. He has these types of nightmares a lot but this one was really loud and it freaked me out. I said "Josh wake up you are dreaming go back to bed" and he said "you need to wake up. You need to leave." I always laugh at the crazy things he says. Like one time he woke up and pulled the blanket over my face and said "the spiders are going to fall on your face." At least he tried to protect me right? Cute husband! Well last night after he growled my heart started racing like crazy and my head was pounding and that was it. I couldn't sleep. So I woke up with the headache and finally took medication.

I wish I could record his dreams. The point of this post. Migraines suck!!

Jason's Deli

So Josh and I LOVE Jason's Deli. It is pretty yummy. We decided last week that we were going to go for family night, Monday, so we decided to ask Josh's parents to come with us because they had never tried it and we wanted them to experience the yumminess. They said yes to coming and they brought Josh's sister Becca as well. Josh was so excited to get his cheese and broccoli soup in a bread bowl and then to have his twisted cone. We all arrived at Jason's Deli and I looked at the soup menu and no cheese and broccoli. Josh was so sad. He decided to do a something else with a bread bowl. No bread bowls. Even more sad. He settled for chicken alfredo and I did the salad bar. My mother-in-law was also looking forward to the bread bowl. No bread bowls. How about chicken pot pie?? No chicken pot pie. My father-in-law wanted a pot roast sandwich. No pot roast. Creamy soups? NOOOOOO. They were out of almost everything. I was really embarrassed. They each eventually found something and then we all sat down.

We ate our foods and then I decided it was time for my ice cream. I jokingly said watch them be out of ice cream. Well........ They had ice cream, but just chocolate and I wanted a twist cone. You can mess with the bread bowls and the soup but if you mess with a pregnant woman's ice cream, there will be no mercy. I went right up to the counter and told the manager "you are out of ice cream." She laughs like this is the best joke she has ever heard - and says "ya I know." I respond with "well what are you going to do to compensate us for being out of everything?" She then says "well what are we out of." I laugh like this is the best joke I have ever heard "all your creamy soups, bread bowls, pot roast, chicken pot pie, and my freaking ice cream (well I didn't really say freaking)." She shrugged and I said "give us a gift card." I have NEVER done that before. I have never told some one to give me something for free because of a bad experience, it must have been the hormones. She said "I guess I can do that" and walks away. I went to sit back down and I see her waive the cashier to our table. She didn't even have the nerve to come apologize. But we did get a gift card, hehehe. I gave it to my in-laws because I really do love their food so I want them to experience it when they actually have the things they would like.

Well this morning I was still ticked. So I decided to write an email to the corporate office. I told them what happened I even said she gave us a gift card but that I was still upset. Then this afternoon I had a voice message. It was from the owner of all the Jason's Delis in Utah and he said he was very concerned with my email and he wanted to speak to me about my experience. He said if he had to he would let some one go over this. That was NOT my intention so I called him back. Such a nice guy. He apologized profusely and told me that he was so sorry. I told him that I gave the gift card to my in-laws so that hopefully one day they come back. Well then he tells me that he wants to give me a FEW gift cards. WHAT??? I need to complain more often!! So he got my address and he will be giving me some free gift cards! Oh and no one will be fired, he said she is actually quitting. She better run cause if there is no ice cream next time, some body will pay.

Landon Campbell Knell

That's right, it is a boy! We will be naming him Landon Campbell Knell. But lets start at the beginning of today's doctor appointment. Josh and I decided that we would invite his parents, Allie and Roger to come along. Some of you have met my mother-in-law so any explanation is not needed for her comments during the ultra sound. For those of you that do not know my mother-in-law, she is a very funny lady. She is a tall loud woman who is noticed the second she walks in to the room. She says crazy things at any point during a conversation (or not during a conversation). Basically she is crazy but I love her.

So today our ultrasound appointment was at 10:40 am. Josh and I drove over together and I said "if this is a girl will you be disappointed and he said "no way I will be so excited." Allie and Roger met us at the office and we all went back in to the room with the ultrasound which is hooked up to a huge a 42" screen.

The doctor comes in and says hi to everyone in the room. He put the jelly on my belly and then up comes a baby. The first thing he shows us is the umbilical cord. The next thing he brings up is a shot right between the legs which was definitely a sure sign of a boy. Then my mother-in-law jumps in and says "Doctor that is a pretty big penis, right?" We all start laughing so the doctor said he would measure it for her and it was only 1 cm long. He is looking around some more and every couple of minutes Allie would say, "what a beautiful face he has." Then the doctor "grandma that is not the face." Then when it was finally the face "he looks like Josh!" "that is Josh's head." We all couldn't stop laughing at her. Then the doctor brought up the spine then she said "oh it is all there, I counted." At one point the doctor said something and Allie said "Are you sure about that doctor?" Little did we all know that Allie was an OBGYN. Then the penis again "I have seen his penis 3 times." Then the foot "I think his penis is bigger than his foot" and then the doctor said "if the penis was bigger than his foot we would have a little situation." It was hysterical.

We were all very excited and so happy to have the first grandson. Josh called my dad and he was very excited to have another grandson. We were given a DVD from our ultrasound which Josh has already watched like 15 times. He is so excited to have a little guy. Allie and Roger were so excited that they went right out and bought us a BYU bib! It is so stinking cute!

We showed the family the ultrasound video today and that was very exciting. Josh admitted he would have been a little disappointed if it was a girl. But I can't blame him, he really wanted his little guy first so I think I might have had a twinge of disappointment as well.

We are just so happy! We were so happy that Josh's parents came. Allie made the whole thing so much fun! She will be such a great grandma. Landon is going to be spoiled. Landon, my son. SO CRAZY!!!!!

Lifetime, my second love

I am ready to admit to the world that I love Lifetime Movies. Well this is probably not a shocker to most people. My husband asked me today why I like them. What is not to like!?!?!? The reasons are all in the movie titles "Mom at 16" "The Devil's Teardrop" "Maneater" "Lies my Mother Told Me" "Prison of Secrets." I can go on and on and on. One of the best days of my life was when we got a free DVR from Comcast and what did we get, you guessed it The Lifetime Movie Network!! I am tearing up remembering that moment.

I can still remember the day that my old roomie and now cousin-in-law, Courtney, and I spent the whole day watching Lifetime movies. And what did we eat that day!?! A whole cheese cake. It was the best day.

I keep getting distracted by the one I am watching right now! It was a great one "While the Children were Sleeping." I must go now because "Step Son" is up next.

Breathless

Is it kosher to write a new blog the day after you wrote your last?? Oh well I am new.

I work for the Guardian ad Litem's Office as the Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) Coordinator. Our office represents the abused and neglected children that are under the court's jurisdiction. Basically we help better the lives of kids that are being abused. My position is the volunteer coordinator. I manage about 65 volunteer all by myself. HARD JOB!! But I really love it because I genuinely love my volunteers.

So tonight we had our annual CASA recognition dinner. It was held at the local university, UVU, and we had about 70 people come out. It was awesome. That was until I had to get up and speak.

Now to back up for a second, I can't breathe. In the last few weeks of this pregnancy I will walk like 5 steps and lose my breathe. Lets not even mention what happens when I walk up the stairs.

Back to tonight, I have trained all of these CASAs and I am totally used to standing up in front of them. But tonight I was a little nervous. That was more because both of my bosses were there. So the time comes for me to got up on the stage and welcome everyone. Imagine me, having to walk up just 3 steps, nervous, and then out of breathe.

I get up on the stage and open my mouth and "Welcome every(breath)one. Thanks (breath) for coming (breath) tonight." It never stopped and then I was trying so hard to breathe that I actually sounded emotional. I wish there was a brown bag that I could have breathed in to. I looked like a fool. In front of my bosses. In front of my CASAs. In front of everyone!!! I would have rather tripped on the stage.

Other than me the event went great. The director of our office gave an amazing speech. He was very inspirational.

Hopefully I will learn to breathe again when all of my organs are not pushing against my lungs.

Boy or Girl????

In one week Josh and I will know if we are having a boy or girl!! I am so excited, this is worse than Christmas! Truth is I really want to go buy baby stuff. Josh hates that but oh well, I can't wait. I really think we are having a girl and Josh thinks that we are having a boy. ACTUALLY he wants a boy which makes him say he thinks it is a boy. Either way I don't care I am just really excited. As long as we have a healthy baby I will be happy no matter what. So what's it gonna be????? I swear I take those dumb gender quizzes like every day. But I always get a different answer. I can't wait!!

Sew what

I have been asking Josh for the past two years to buy me a sewing machine and he keeps telling me no that I will never use it, that I have so much scrapbooking stuff and I never do it, blah, blah, blah. But still I ask for my birthday that was this past May and he said no. I thought he would surprise me with one the night of my birthday but NOOOOOO. Until......my mom and dad bought me one! It was such a nice surprise. I thought about all of the things I would make. Clothes, and dresses, and baby things. And then reality set in. I have no freaking idea how to sew. The good news was, the machine came with classes from the store my parents purchased it at. But they weren't scheduled to start until August.

I figured, it's a class about how to use a machine and this machine is AMAZING so I am not going to touch it until my class because I will break it. The store called me yesterday to remind me about my class today. I tell the girl "I can't sew" and she says "oh its ok this is a class about your machine not about projects." I felt good, she tells me I need needles for the machine, thread, fabric scissors, a notebook, and pen. So since I have no idea about sewing I remember "Walmart has a sewing section!!" So I go last night get all my stuff - I felt like I was in school again so I but a girly notebook.

Then tonight I go to my first class. I bring my machine, I am led to the back of the store, but of course I am 20 minutes early and am the first one there. I put my machine on the table take the lid off and sit down. It finally turns 6:00 pm and in walks this girl. Literally a 13 year old girl. She has a roller bag. Her machine is in a roller bag! Did you know these existed? She is with her mom because she can't drive of course. She takes her machine out puts it together and and threads it. I am amazed. Then her mom tells me that she is the blue ribbon winner for best quilt at the county fair. Seriously?!? Then two other middle aged women walk in and do the same thing, set up their machines thread them and start discussing how long they have been sewing. They show each other the embroidered bookmarks they have made. I am in the wrong class.

Well I guess I should set up my machine. I take the plastic off the pieces, remove bubble wrap, plug things in where I think they go, and wait. Class begins and the woman starts throwing words around like Class A needles, minky, and Berdina. Ya I was lost but everyone else was smiling and speaking the same foreign language. Then she comes and threads my machine and says "sew this stitch in a straight line." And I say "how?" And she says to step on the peddle. I step on the peddle and scream because that needle moves so fast! My new friend, the 13 year old, is laughing at me. It finally clicks to the lady that I REALLY have NO idea how to sew. She took the time to show me and then she promised me that I would learn to sew. I sewed 6 lines tonight! Not straight, but 6!

You will see. I will sew. I will make a blanket some day and it will be beautiful. But it will never win a blue ribbon in the county fair. Dang 13 year old girls.

Kelly Frye Glasser

Four years ago I started volunteering at the Guardian ad Litem's Office as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA). On my very first case I worked with a 17 year old girl and the Guardian ad Litem for that girl was Kelly Frye Glasser. I got to know Kelly through that case. Then 2 years later I applied for the job as the CASA Coordinator and was hired in to the best office I have ever worked with. Our office became like a second family to me. It has been a great almost 2 years at the Guardian ad Litem's Office.

Yesterday on August 1, 2010 my dear friend and coworker Kelly died along with her husband in a kayaking accident. It is such a tragic loss. It kept me up all night last night and I have shed so many tears over my dear friend today. She left a 14 year old daughter and a son in his 20's.

She was so funny. She had the greatest personality. I would come home and tell Josh all about the crazy stories that Kelly had told us that day. She made me laugh. She made me feel better about the job I was doing. I felt like she was one of my biggest fans in the office when it came to CASA.

Today our office yielded about 50 phone calls from all different types of organizations and people expressing their condolences. It blew me away to see the out pouring of love for Kelly. She left a huge impression on our community.

It feels unreal still. I don't think it has fully hit me yet that I will never see her again. At least she went with her husband and they were doing the thing they loved, kayaking. I love you Kelly and I will always miss you. You touched my life even when I didn't realize you were doing it.

In the beginning....

I have never blogged before but I have been keeping journals since I was 12 so my husband, Josh, told me I should keep a blog. So I will make an attempt! I keep telling him I am not witty or funny enough to keep a blog but he has assured me that I don't have to be. What a good hubby : )

Well what can I say about me? I am originally from Connecticut. I moved to Utah after I graduated from high school in 2000. I met my husband in December of 2007 and we were married on June 21, 2008 in the Mt. Timpanogas Temple. I work for the Guardian ad Litem's Office running a volunteer program called CASA. I HATE bugs. I am deathly afraid of whales (no idea why). I am really excited to run my third half marathon. Oh and I am 4 months pregnant with our first baby!

Follow me as I take on this crazy thing called motherhood. I am sure I will have lots of great times, laughs, cries, and make a complete fool out of myself along the way, but I am ready!